It's Not About Us

Clarence D Ulrich

May 3, 1933 - October 28, 2013

As I grieve for my dad who went home to be with Jesus only nine days ago, and as I reflect upon life and death...and dad's dementia and end of life suffering process, I come to realize that our life is not about us.

Sometimes God allows things to happen in our lives which have nothing to do with us and our personal wishes and desires for our own lives.  My dad, like most every other person on the planet, did not desire to suffer from dementia and other physical afflictions that he was given.  He would not have chosen to live out his final years of life in a nursing home facility, dependent upon others to care for him.  But, God allowed it for him.  Those years while dad was living in the nursing home, I would ask myself..."Why?"  Why would God allow my dad (a man who served Him as a Pastor for over 40 years) to become debilitated to the humiliating point of needing people to get him out of bed and even to diaper and change him?  What good purpose did God have for my dad in his years of needing to be cared for in a nursing home?

As I reflect upon my dad's final days of life with my brothers, and my mom and I gathered around him and with the nursing home staff and Chaplain lovingly ministering to us in our grieving and letting go process, I now realize that a person's life is NOT just about himself and he wants. 

In our lives, we have choices in some things.  In other things...like disease, suffering and adverse circumstances that take us by surprise...the only choice we have is our attitude and how we are going to deal with circumstances we didn't choose.  In my Dad's disease, he didn't even have the presence of mind to "decide or choose" his conscious attitudes, actions or reactions to life's cruel curve balls tossed his direction.  And now, in reflection, I am amazed by my Dad and grateful for every single day that God gave him.  I now know that sometimes a person's life is used to serve as a witness to the living, even when that person's life has been horribly debilitated by disease. 

God had every day of Dad's life written in His Book of Life before even one of them came to be, even the final days of his life.  And while Dad wasn't instructing me with his intellect and wit and fatherly words of wisdom in his final years of living, Dad was an example of unwavering trust and devotion to the LORD His God.  Even when he couldn't remember what he had to eat or what someone said to him a few minutes ago, Dad taught gratitude and graciousness toward the people who cared for him or came to visit him.

He didn't complain about his "lousy situation".  He didn't lament about all the things that he could no longer do.  He didn't fuss about his lack or needs.  He didn't curse at God or lash out at his loved ones.  Dad smiled appreciatively whenever I came to see him. Dad demonstrated gracious acceptance in what could be viewed as the worst of human circumstances. Dad thanked those who prayed with him and for him.  Dad claimed to pray every day for each one of us, his loved ones.

God used Dad's life to be a positive witness to the living, even up to the moment of his passing. Dad's 80 years of life, even his years that we could view as "languishing with the horrible disease of dementia" were not "wasted" or "unproductive". Dad's life was not just about him.  His entire life was a testament to us.  His end of life was a demonstration of waiting for God and God's time for him come home.

Thank you Dad!  I look forward to our reunion in heaven some day.

.